The Patient Is Part Of The Team

Indeed, Allah loves those who fight in His cause in a row as though they are a [single] structure joined firmly. (As-Saaf, 61: 4)

Our delivery of our second girl, Kawthar was fast and very comforting. Alhamdulillah. All doctors, nurses and health officers treated us as if we were part of the team. Each of them discussed with us the procedures to be performed over and over.

Back home, patients were never encouraged to ask or understand the treatment. All they had to do was grabbed the prescribed medicine, ate them to completion and hopefully got well. My caregivers here were surprised when I was not able to identify the medication that had been given to me during previous pregnancy or any other treatments that I had received prior coming abroad. Not only that, they were puzzled at how difficult it was for me as the patient to retrieve the information from Malaysia. Many paperworks were involved and the information was still not fully disclosed. 

As patients, I thought we should have been more proactive to care about our treatment. We should have asked the questions. There should not be any shame if we do not understand certain terms or procedures that the doctors and nurses used. We should ask them to clarify these things to us. They were trained especially in the field, whoelse is better to ask?

 And We sent not before you, [O Muhammad], except men to whom We revealed [the message], so ask the people of the message if you do not know. (al-Anbiya', 21: 7)

I thought if a patient was well informed, the patient will be able to make an educated decision and care better for him/her self. The chance of the treatment to be effective will increase because the patient now understand what happened and why he/she can or cannot do somethings.

After delivery, my spouse was asked to follow the baby while I fully got over with the anaesthetic effects. He was asked to make skin to skin contact with our baby. Then, he was asked to stay with me in the ward.

Husband participation is rising in Malaysia because of the new generation of fathers and I see this as a good thing. Husbands are now allowed in the labour room and I had an experience when a nurse from Klinik Kesihatan showed my husband how to give breastmilk to our first baby using a syringe.

Our men now have better Islamic understanding and more open minded to help their wives. Besides, children business is our business- hubands' and wives', it was never a one-man (oe woman) show and never will be.

It has been made permissible for you the night preceding fasting to go to your wives [for sexual relations]. They are clothing for you and you are clothing for them... (al-Baqarah, 2: 187)  

Here there are no classes of ward. Each patient had her own ward completed with a bathroom and a sofa bed for the company. With this, there was privacy and security. Women need not worry about their 'aurah (body parts that are compulsory to cover).

I remembered when I was in the general ward when we had our first baby. During lunch time when the ward was opened to visitors, we have many men in and around the ward. Breast feeding then became a 'mission'. To feed your baby well and to cover your 'aurah at the same time. I know it would have been different in first class ward or even a second class ones. But, what if we all receive the same privacy and security regardless of our wages?

We are making progress back home to become better and I am aware that things are not going to change overnight. I am also aware that changes need overall participation. If we keep going and be steadfast about it, everything is within reach.

 

 

...and we named her Kawthar binti Mohd Shahrul Anuar

To Allah belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth. He creates what He wills (and plan), He bestows (children) male or female according to His will (and plan), or He bestows both males and females, and He leaves barren whom He will: for He is full of Knowledge and Power (Ash-Shura: 49-50).

We were blessed with our second child. When the pregnancy was confirmed and we had a scan telling us that the baby was (probably) going to be a girl, we were happy. When friends asked what we were expecting and we conveyed the news, we received a mixed reaction.

Some were very positive and happy. Wishing us well all the way through. Unfortunately some were...I am not certain what word should I use. We had those who said,

"Well, try for another one and if it's a boy then you can stop (making babies)."

Others said,

"You think you will be able to handle two girls? Your life will be miserable. How are you going to cope? How can you pursue your study? Will your spouse be able to take care of them while you are in school? Your eldest is only 18 months!" and that friend detailed out all the 'hardships' that will come with our new bundle of joy.

"Would you have enough breast milk to feed the baby? The milk dry fast... you should start with formula..."

"Life is not easy these days, everything is expensive. One child is already a lot, you know?"

To my spouse personally they said,

"Well, enjoy the moment while it lasts. You are going into misery once the new one arrives."

And more negative comments followed.

I was appalled. Not only because of the negativity but how some comments actually came from our Muslim friends.

They must have forgotten,

Enjoin prayer on thy people, and be constant therein. We ask thee not to provide sustenance: We provide it for thee. But the (fruit of) the Hereafter is for righteousness. (Ta-Ha: 132)

Alhamdulillah the pregnancy went well and though we were hoping and trying to have a normal delivery, Allah had a better plan for us. Our second girl too, was born via Caesarean section on Friday, Safar 3rd, 1432/ January 7th, 2011. She weight 3.4kg at birth and we had not had any names for her.  Just like our firstborn's name, Khaulah, was not short-listed, so was our second child's.  We decided to name her Kawthar.

That night my spouse looked through the Quran translation and opened Surah al-Kawthar.  We felt the revelation of the surah befitting our situation.  Surah al-Kawthar was revealed when the Qureyshi mushrikeen were demeaning Prophet Muhammad sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam for not having any sons that will carry his name.  Prophet Muhammad had three sons but they all died at young ages.  The Prophet was left with four daughters. 

The surah was Allah comforting Prophet Muhammad that what he had (daughters) were like al-Kawthar- a spring in heaven and the well where pious Muslims will drink in the hereafter whilst waiting for judgement. The water from al-Kawthar will quench one's thirst forever.

Allah told Prophet Muhammad that the people who demeaned him were the ones who will be cut off and forgotten. On the other hand, the name of Prophet Muhammad and his way of life will be dignified by all Muslims and admired by friends and foes alike, forever. 

We have always wanted our children to have a meaningful name that they will be proud to carry and this will be for her. Kawthar should never feel small or less because of her gender. Instead she should feel proud she is a female and more than that, a muslimah because Allah and the Prophet sallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam had given women their deserved status.

The believing men and believing women are allies of one another. They enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and establish prayer and give zakah and obey Allah and His Messenger. Those - Allah will have mercy upon them. Indeed, Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise. Allah has promised the believing men and believing women gardens beneath which rivers flow, wherein they abide eternally, and pleasant dwellings in gardens of perpetual residence; but approval from Allah is greater. It is that which is the great attainment. (at-Tawbah: 71-72)

Indeed, the Muslim men and Muslim women, the believing men and believing women, the obedient men and obedient women, the truthful men and truthful women, the patient men and patient women, the humble men and humble women, the charitable men and charitable women, the fasting men and fasting women, the men who guard their private parts and the women who do so, and the men who remember Allah often and the women who do so - for them Allah has prepared forgiveness and a great reward. (al-Ahzab: 35)
 

 

 

Myself

Call this a redemption article for my creative writing class in the USM in 2004.  The first assignment for that class was to write a 300-words summary that defined us.  I did not anticipate the difficulty until I started to write. I was clueless.  I interviewed my friends, asking them to tell me of what they thought about me in a couple of sentences and I was searching deep into my retrospection: my thoughts and my feelings.  So much so that the deadline inevitably approached and I wrote about myself and tried to explain as clear as possible to my audience, my instructor, Mr. Robert Raymer. 

Each student then had an individual ‘sit-down’ time with Mr. Raymer when he would help us write what we wanted to say.  I explained verbally about myself and he asked, “Are you in some sort of missionary works?”  Well, yes and no?  I was not satisfied with that piece of writing and unconsciously, I kept thinking about it.  This in itself proves how good an instructor Mr. Raymer was.

Until recently, my online, Logical Progression’s teacher, Mr. Abu Eesa Niamatullah defined the word fiqh as ‘fiqh¹ is not ‘aqidah²’.  He added after that, “That can be a precise way of defining something, by what it isn’t,” and everything fell into place for me.  I was trying to define who I am when I first wrote about myself while the real answer is in what I am not.

Some people believed that you need to know what you want so you can pursue it.  But I also believe that if you know exactly what you do not want, that leaves you with open options.  I do not want to lose Islam³ that I consciously chose when I was eighteen.  From then on, Islam has shaped my outer look, my thoughts and my conducts. 

I started to dress more modestly, I started putting on a hijaab and I became more conscious of the way I interacted with opposite gender just because the Quran⁴ said “speak to the men politely but not in an alluring manners.”  Not that I have to work hard on it because looking at my dressing, men instantaneously know I am not going to shake their hands let alone hug them. 

In my study, I strive to be the best student in the class with regards to grades because the Quran said that “You are the best,” and more than that, I respected my teachers and the knowledge that they were giving me.  I did not take any subject lightly.  I intended to understand the subject and use it throughout my life.  I felt bad if I did not perform well or if I disappointed my teachers in anyway.  There were questions that I could not bring myself to ask my teachers especially personal questions just because the high respect that I have for them.  Even when some of my teachers become friends, that line exists and I never want to cross it.  As a friend, I tried to be the best of friend that a person can have.  I went out of my way to help my friends and make them happy.  I bought gifts because the prophet Muhammad⁵ said, “Give gifts, it makes hearts bloom with love.” 

Whatever I do, I keep myself within Islamic loci and when I have to make a choice, I choose what agrees with Islam even when it meant sacrifice on my end for example being the first one to say ‘I am sorry’ or not applying interest when collecting debt from another person and not attending a theatrical performance I badly wanted to see not because the lack of seats in the hall but because the intermingling between genders in the sittings.  I can take a friend out for a drink and pay for anything but alcohol.  Now I can say something about myself.  I am muslim⁶.

Glossary:

1.       fiqh                        - science of deriving Islamic jurisprudence

2.       ‘aqidah                 - theology and in Islam it is monotheism

3.       Islam                     - one of the three semitic religion rooting to the Abrahamic faith and Islam is monotheistic

4.       Quran                   - Islam holy book

5.       Muhammad       - prophet of Islam and appointed to all humankind

6.       muslim                 - verb meaning submit to Islam (the one used for this article)

- noun meaning a person whose religion is Islam