"This is all we have, sorry," said a chieftain in a native village uphill in Perak. Shyly he pushed to us boiled tapioca, fried tengas fish and 'standard' hot tea without milk.
We smiled. At that point that was the best food. We were tired and hungry. More than that, he should have not troubled himself into preparing the food for us. We can completely understand because we had self-invited ourselves there to visit them and propagate Islam. Insya Allah. Yet he treated us with such generosity and warmth that we felt welcome and in the bottom of our heart... grateful to Allah. Alhamdulillah.
That was told by my best friend.
I had had many personal experiences in meeting such people. They did not bother about what they are serving so much but they surely had given you the best that they had in store. It might be plain white rice and salted fish but that were the best. Sometimes it was just a cup of water and if they have extra, a cracker.
It really was about giving; giving what was needed at the right time. Giving water to the thirsty, giving food to the hungry and giving a place to lie down to the tired. Quality and quantity were out of question from the receiving end, not the giving end though. The gestures, sincerity and generosity were those that counted.
Though visitors did not expect to be treated but as a host, these people like the chieftain, really understand and practice te concept of 'honouring a guest': to give the best that you have and to treat them well.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Say Yes to Polygamous Marriage
Many women discard the idea of sharing their husbands as soon as the topic being brought up. They cannot cope with the idea let alone going through the process without any hesitation.
Allah is All-knowing and when He sent down the verse that allows polygamy, He must have everything balanced out and calculated. Hence why were many women protesting against polygamous marriage? Some committedly joint the campaign one husband one wife.
Alas! It comes down to practice. Allah had put the outline but we never like to follow what we feel does not suit ourselves.
Rasulullah s.a.w never took a new wife in secrecy. He did it in full knowledge of his other wives. There really is not any obligation for a man to seek his wife’s/wives’ permission to take another women as his new wife. But this is a matter of feelings, trust and love. This is adab, being courteous and polite.
If the new marriage is done with sincerity and transparently, the initial wife/wives would not feel betrayed or cheated. She will be more ready to accept the new family member.
Rasulullah married widows and other women in need, to protect them, not out of lust. Nowadays we see men choosing a girl younger than their wife/wives to be the new wife and the reason is more often than not is mere lust.
Rasulullah treated all his wives with kindness and fairness. He visited all of them everyday and spent the night only with the one who was taking her turn. Islam really honoured a woman and respected her feelings. A man having more than a wife is not allowed to have a sexual intercourse with his wife whom is not on turn. That was why Saudah in her later years ‘released’ her turn to Aishah so that Rasulullah can on her turn, sleep with Aishah if he desired.
Rasulullah had treated his wives fairly without being too technical. Once one of them asked who was the one he loved most and the Prophet answered whom I put on the ring on her finger myself while putting on a ring onto that particular wife’s finger. As the words spread, all of his wives were silently contented and happy because he put on the ring on all of their fingers himself!
Not only that, Rasulullah had taught his wives to treat each other like sisters. Once Aishah commented that the porridge made by Saudah was not tasty and she smeared some of the porridge on Saudah’s face. Looking at them, Rasulullah asked Saudah to smear some porridge on Aishah’s face. When Saudah hesitated, Rasulullah took her hand, dunked it into the porridge and helped her smeared Aishah’s face. Is not that a heart warming situation?
Unfortunately in the practice the new wife is given extra care and attention while the initial wife/wives and children were neglected. Thus the wives become competitive against each other. Instead of becoming sisters, they are rivals.
As if the malpractice of men having more than one wife is not enough, our Muslim scholars made the stigma worse. They always portrayed that polygamy is only good for men and spelled only sufferings for the women. This is not true!
Women can enjoy polygamous marriage as much as men do if they perceive it in a correct perspective. Allah has promised that :
…Allah intends every facility for you; He does not want to put you to difficulties…
Al-Baqarah: 185
Think about these for a second.
A husband’s rights and demand over his wife are enormous and numerous. By sharing it with another woman, we actually divide our ‘burden’ with a friend.
We may choose the person we want to share our husband with. Thus choose the good ones. Insya Allah the feeling of ihsan that Allah instills into us will help us to tolerate with each other.
What about jealousy? Yes it will occur yet how you deal with it makes the difference. Jealousy can be healthy when it helps you to be a better person, to serve your husband better.
When I look at it from a different point, we have many female friends of whom we know are good and pious. They have not met any right man to be their husbands yet while their age keeps going up each year. And we do not have many good men around. We share many things with our friends, even our darkest secret, why not a husband?
Why not share the happiness of having a loving husband in your life with another woman you so care about. Let her feels that though there are many obstacles to be faced in this world and on this road, Allah still makes her happy by giving her a loving husband and a good sister to share it with.
Insya Allah when Allah give you children, is it not good to have another good person beside you and your husband to mind them and to teach them about Islam, iman and ihsan?
Allah is All-knowing and when He sent down the verse that allows polygamy, He must have everything balanced out and calculated. Hence why were many women protesting against polygamous marriage? Some committedly joint the campaign one husband one wife.
Alas! It comes down to practice. Allah had put the outline but we never like to follow what we feel does not suit ourselves.
Rasulullah s.a.w never took a new wife in secrecy. He did it in full knowledge of his other wives. There really is not any obligation for a man to seek his wife’s/wives’ permission to take another women as his new wife. But this is a matter of feelings, trust and love. This is adab, being courteous and polite.
If the new marriage is done with sincerity and transparently, the initial wife/wives would not feel betrayed or cheated. She will be more ready to accept the new family member.
Rasulullah married widows and other women in need, to protect them, not out of lust. Nowadays we see men choosing a girl younger than their wife/wives to be the new wife and the reason is more often than not is mere lust.
Rasulullah treated all his wives with kindness and fairness. He visited all of them everyday and spent the night only with the one who was taking her turn. Islam really honoured a woman and respected her feelings. A man having more than a wife is not allowed to have a sexual intercourse with his wife whom is not on turn. That was why Saudah in her later years ‘released’ her turn to Aishah so that Rasulullah can on her turn, sleep with Aishah if he desired.
Rasulullah had treated his wives fairly without being too technical. Once one of them asked who was the one he loved most and the Prophet answered whom I put on the ring on her finger myself while putting on a ring onto that particular wife’s finger. As the words spread, all of his wives were silently contented and happy because he put on the ring on all of their fingers himself!
Not only that, Rasulullah had taught his wives to treat each other like sisters. Once Aishah commented that the porridge made by Saudah was not tasty and she smeared some of the porridge on Saudah’s face. Looking at them, Rasulullah asked Saudah to smear some porridge on Aishah’s face. When Saudah hesitated, Rasulullah took her hand, dunked it into the porridge and helped her smeared Aishah’s face. Is not that a heart warming situation?
Unfortunately in the practice the new wife is given extra care and attention while the initial wife/wives and children were neglected. Thus the wives become competitive against each other. Instead of becoming sisters, they are rivals.
As if the malpractice of men having more than one wife is not enough, our Muslim scholars made the stigma worse. They always portrayed that polygamy is only good for men and spelled only sufferings for the women. This is not true!
Women can enjoy polygamous marriage as much as men do if they perceive it in a correct perspective. Allah has promised that :
…Allah intends every facility for you; He does not want to put you to difficulties…
Al-Baqarah: 185
Think about these for a second.
A husband’s rights and demand over his wife are enormous and numerous. By sharing it with another woman, we actually divide our ‘burden’ with a friend.
We may choose the person we want to share our husband with. Thus choose the good ones. Insya Allah the feeling of ihsan that Allah instills into us will help us to tolerate with each other.
What about jealousy? Yes it will occur yet how you deal with it makes the difference. Jealousy can be healthy when it helps you to be a better person, to serve your husband better.
When I look at it from a different point, we have many female friends of whom we know are good and pious. They have not met any right man to be their husbands yet while their age keeps going up each year. And we do not have many good men around. We share many things with our friends, even our darkest secret, why not a husband?
Why not share the happiness of having a loving husband in your life with another woman you so care about. Let her feels that though there are many obstacles to be faced in this world and on this road, Allah still makes her happy by giving her a loving husband and a good sister to share it with.
Insya Allah when Allah give you children, is it not good to have another good person beside you and your husband to mind them and to teach them about Islam, iman and ihsan?
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